Wednesday, February 11, 2009


I'm not a fan of canned jokes but I thought some of these were worth a chuckle.

An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into.
She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher.
'They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!' she cried.
The dispatcher said, 'Stay calm. An officer is on the way.'A few minutes later, the officer radios in.
'Disregard.' He says. 'She got in the back-seat by mistake.'


Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together.
One night the 96-year-old draws a bath.
She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters,
'Was I getting in or out of the bath?'
The 94-year-old yells back, 'I don't know. I'll come up and see.'
She starts up the stairs and pauses 'Was I going up the stairs or down?
The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea and listening to her sisters.
She shakes her head and says, 'I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood.'
She then yells, 'I'll come up and help Both of you as soon as I see who's at the door.'


Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day.
One remarked to the Other, 'Windy, isn't it?'
'No,' the second man replied, 'it's Thursday.'
And the third man chimed in, 'So am I. Let's have a beer.'


Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of
activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, 'Now don't get mad at me .. I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is.'
Her friend glared at her.

For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her.

Finally she said, 'How soon do you need to know?'


As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his cell phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, 'Herman,
I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on
Interstate 77. Please be careful!'
'Heck,' said Herman, 'It's not just one car It's hundreds of them!'


Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection.
The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself 'I must be losing it I could have sworn we just went Through a red light.'
After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red. Again, they went right through.
The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through.
So, She turned to the other woman and said, 'Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!'
Mildred turned to her and said, 'Oh, crap, am I driving ?'


Cricket said...

Those are pretty funny! Especially the one about the old lady in the back seat.
Thanks for sharing- one can always use a good laugh.

debbie said...

Very Funny. I am so close to that already. One day at work we were really busy. One of my best friends (Suzanne) who also works with me (every one calls me Suzanne and her Debbie, we kinda of act alike and look alike) had called all available associates to the front of the store to help with long lines. I am racing to the front to help out and as I pass by checkouts I look over and think "Oh there's Suzanne so I'll keep going to the Service Desk" to help them there. I glance at the Desk and realize Suzanne is already there. So I step back to see who I thought was Suzanne, only to find out It was ME. Someone had left a Door Mirror leaning on one the checkout ends and as I passed by I saw my own reflection. Pretty smart Huh?


What do you do when you don't have time to go out on location to do urban sketching? My time is very limited and I often don't have ...